The Crutch Files

9 Things I Hope to Teach My Kids

2012-01-06T17:59:00.003-06:00

1. I'm on their side.
No matter who knocks them down, no matter how much they fail, and even when I'm disappointed in their choices, I still want them to succeed. I'm still on their team. I ALWAYS want them to win, even if winning doesn't look the way they (or I) thought it would.

2. God is on their side, too.
He's not some big, angry, rule-making hater up in the sky. He's their Creator and He loves them even more than I do. He's on their team. He ALWAYS wants them to win, even if winning doesn't look the way they (or I) thought it would.

3. There is no greater character trait than integrity.
And there is nothing that turns people off more than being a hypocrite. Our yes must be yes and our no must be no. We must say what we mean and mean what we say. Even in the little "gray" areas of life, we must choose honesty, not allowing even a hint of untruthfulness.

4. It's okay to ask questions (and to expect answers).
Sometimes it's so tempting just to say "Because it is," when my kids ask "Why?" for the 5,234th time in two hours. Or to leave things as "I don't know," when asked how a toaster works or why the Jewish people reject Jesus as the Messiah. By encouraging curiosity and showing them how to find answers, I'm equipping them for life. Because life is just full of questions.

5. Be grateful.
Not just for the big things, but for the little things, too. I want my kids to routinely show appreciation for those people who enrich their lives; teachers, coaches, friends, family, strangers. Thank you notes are incredibly important and so is simply saying the words "thank you," repeatedly and sincerely.

6. Do your best.
It's all you can do. Sometimes it won't be enough. Hopefully those times will be few and far between.

7. People are important.
All people. Thin people. Popular people. Ugly people. Fat people. Drop-dead gorgeous people. Conservatives and Liberals. People with light skin and people with dark skin. Nice people, grumpy people, and people who can't sing. Spanish language speakers and those who communicate with clicks and grunts. Babies yet to be born and seniors in their final years. People who think like me and people who don't.

8. Respect must sometimes be given even if it has not been earned.
This can be so hard, especially when respect doesn't appear to be deserved. It's tough to respect the teacher who thinks humiliation is the same as discipline, the coach who doesn't give you a chance at the position you want, the politician you disagree with or the policeman who writes you a ticket for driving five over. Teaching them to value the person over the action and to show proper respect for the position of authority is tough, but it's a goal we're striving for.

9. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Small things like letting your brother chose which movie to watch, feeding the dog (when it's not even your turn), helping carry groceries or moving someone's furniture turn into bigger things like building wells for the thirsty in Liberia, saving victims of human trafficking in Cambodia and preventing history from repeating itself in the American South. Packing shoeboxes full of goodies for kids in third world countries is more rewarding than opening a slew of new toys on your birthday.

Our School Room

2011-11-01T21:04:00.000-05:00

After reading a post from the pajama momma's blog, I decided I could share with you our schoolroom. (Still not sure if that's one word or two.) This is much better this year than last, as until this summer, we didn't even have a room just for our studies. We spent the first two years of our homeschool journey at the kitchen table. While there were some benefits to this, the drawbacks were many. The biggest one was the plethora of materials we use for school were spread out through every room and hallway in our house, garage and attic. Since AGC never slept in her bed anyway, we moved her in with the boys and converted her old room into a much more usable space for school. It's still a work in progress and there are still some leftover art pieces from when it was my daughters room. I'm hoping to cover at least part of one wall with chalkboard paint, but haven't gotten that far yet. Here it is as of today:

I LOVE maps! We're currently using Geography Songs to sing our way around the world, so the more maps the better! This one is actually a yard of fabric I found for cheap at Wal-Mart years ago. It's super colorful and hung low on the wall so it's at the kids' eye level. They love it, too!

And I finally have a teacher desk for all my stuff!

My dad has picked up a couple of these old school
desk/chair combos for us at auctions.
The kids love them and they don't take up much space.

The place value chart comes in handy!

All of the books on the low blue shelf are for the kids.
The taller shelf has half teacher books and half chapter books.
I have many more boxes of chapter books in the attic,
but for now, these will have to do.

Where I Come From

2011-07-12T00:18:00.002-05:00

There's this guy I knew college that I've caught up with on facebook recently. His name is DJ and he lives in West Yellowstone, MT. Yep, that's right by the national park. One of DJ's talents is photography. My husband has dubbed DJ "Yellowstone Guy" and always asks if he's put up any new pics lately. The kids love seeing all the animals that we just don't have in Kansas. The photos are amazing. But don't take our word for it, check him out and then like his fb page. Tell him I sent ya.

One of my favorites from DJ's collection. Isn't this little pine martin just the cutest?

DJ's pictures show majestic mountains, lakes, rivers and a ton of wildlife that I've never seen in my neck of the woods. Sometimes when I see his pictures it makes me want to pack up and move to a place where my backyard is teeming with wildlife and landscapes are just screaming to be photographed. (I gotta admit, though, that I never want to move to Montana when it's snowing. And it seems to me that it was snowing in Montana for at least eight months last year!)

I love seeing pictures of the New England leaves turning, tropical beaches and other faraway places. A friend's sister got married in Ireland a few years back and I loved the amazing amount of green as well as the old castles and buildings. There are so many amazing sights to see in this world and I have a long list of places to visit before I die.

Today as I was driving I realized that beauty is not only found in faraway places, but also right here in my own backyard. It may be the middle of July in Kansas, where there's a 114 degree heat index and no wind, but farmers are out bailing hay, soybeans and corn are in the field waiting for the rain, and it's beautiful here today. The same God who created the splendor of Yellowstone created the plains of Kansas. (That is absolutely true, but the camera that took these photos is NOT the camera that took those at "A Quiet Place." Neither is the photographer. In fact, these were taken from my car, often while moving. Hope you can see through that and enjoy the beauty anyway. If you haven't already, go check out DJ's stuff. You'll love it.)

I'm glad to be living life in the rural lower Mid-West, where people wave hello, even if they don't know you. Where "traffic" is the tractor/combine/grain truck you can't seem to pass fast enough, and the biggest reason to lock your car doors is that others might fill your car with excess produce from their gardens.

How about you? What beauty do you see in your backyard?

I'm Still Here

2011-05-27T22:50:00.001-05:00

It's been well over a month since I was able to blog anything. Well, that's not entirely true. I have a couple of things in the drafts folder that I have yet to finish. That said, there's just too much on my plate and my mind to even start. So, in 500 words or less (or more maybe. I'm not actually going to count), here's my life lately.

I'm trying to decide my approach to homeschooling for next year. What's that you say? Haven't I been doing this for two years already? Shouldn't I have a grip on this by now? Why, yes. Yes, I probably should. But I don't. I'm exploring both ends of the spectrum, everything from enrolling in K-12 to unschooling. Haven't found the direction we're heading yet, but I think it will come soon.

The other day, my oldest two children spent some time cleaning the toilets. They've spent the last couple of days fighting with each other. I'm done with that. From now on, you fight with your siblings and you clean. My house might go from gross to sparkling in less than a week if this continues!

Yep, that's right. My house is gross. Even though my mom has been awesome and helped me clean it last week, it's still gross. The kids don't seem to grasp the idea that when they spill something they should clean it up. Or that food should stay in the kitchen. Or that clothes are optional. (I've tried to promote nudity to decrease my laundry load, but only the baby is with me on this one. He even tries to wriggle out of his diapers now-a-days.)

Vance is still looking for permanent work. I know God has a job for him, I just wish I knew what it was. And what it pays.

Ball season is here and we'll be gone four nights a week most weeks in June.

And then there's VBS. It's less than 60 days from my biggest event of the year and I still have so much to do. I'm waiting on people to get signed up so I can put the kids and leaders into crews. Still have to pass out the leaders guides, get materials lists from the leaders, place t-shirt and CD orders, coordinate bussing, plan decorating and about a zillion other things.

Oh, and this year I decided that we're continuing to school through the summer. Yeah, I know. What's up with that? I want to at least finish E's math book. We've got about 28 more lessons to go. If we double up, we could be done in less than three weeks. If....

So, that's it. I'm a busy woman. What's new in your neck of the woods? Doing anything fun or exciting or exhausting this summer? I'd love to hear about it.

On Being Different

2011-05-27T22:40:00.001-05:00

"You're fired!"

For reasons I can't really explain, I love watching Donald Trump kick celebrities to the curb on The Celebrity Apprentice. There's just something about watching has-beens doing ridiculous things that cracks me up.

A few weeks ago, Mr. Trump charged the contestants with a fund-raising task that pitted country music star John Rich against actress Marlee Matlin. They raised over one million dollars to give hearing aids to kids in thrid world countries and to St. Jude's Children's Hospital. It was an amazing amount of money and a fun to watch task.

Somewhere during that episode, John Rich's friends from Nashville showed up. Included in that group was Two-Foot Fred, a little person who is literally three feet, two inches tall. My seven year old son had entered the room about that time. When he saw Fred on the screen, he immediately started pointing and giggling. Let me be clear out this; there was absolutely zero malice in his laughter. He wasn't being mean or intolerant or insensitive. He was simply being seven. In our little corner of the world, E has yet to meet a person with dwarfism. His entire concept is based on The Wizard of Oz and Underdog.

After getting over the horror of my son being so intolerant, I realized that it was a teachable moment. We paused the show and spent a little time talking about how it feels to be laughed at and that God created all of us. It was a great conversation and I'm glad we had the chance to have it.

A Book, a Cake and a Sunday Morning. aka, I Need a Nap!

2011-04-03T21:18:00.001-05:00

April's shaping up to be a busy month. To start the month, I wrote a book review. It's awesome (the book, I mean. The review is probably mediocre at best.). You should check it out.

On Saturday we hosted an Army themed birthday party for my son (who will tell you that today he is three and a half years old, but will be "six" tomorrow. So much for homeschool kids being math whizzes!). For the party, I made a cake.
A tank cake.

It was awesome.

But you don't have to take my word for it. You can take his.

Sunday morning I taught children's church. We started a study on Ephesians 6:10-18 today and taught the kids about putting on the "full armor of God." We watched an awesome video from the Go Fish Guys. (If you haven't heard them yet, you need to. They. Are. Awesome.

We also traced the kids' bodies onto butcher paper.

We decorated shields of faith, belts of truth and swords of the Spirit.

When I got home, I worked on cleaning up from the tornado that was our weekend. No pictures. It's still a work in progress. Maybe I'll finish tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going to bed.

Book Review: A Lamb Named Ewe by Kevin Jones

2011-04-01T12:21:00.007-05:00

This is my first real attempt at a book review. If it goes well, I may start doing more of this.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I feel like I need to tell you that the author, Kevin Jones, and I are friends. We met as teenagers at church camp and have kept in touch some over the years. Facebook recently reconnected us.

The first thing you notice about A Lamb Named Ewe is the adorable illustrations. The pictures were an instant hit with my kindergarten daughter, who is a beginning reader. She must have "read" through the book ten times on her own before I got the chance to read it to her. The brightly colored illustrations really drew her in, as did the emotional, animated faces of the title character.

The minute I saw the cover, I knew what the book was going to be about. Ewe and the Good Shepherd; You and God.

Ewe is a slightly mischievous little gal who's curious about the world. She's cute as a bug, adventurous, and like the rest of us, Ewe doesn't always listen and sometimes ends up in big trouble. Like the time she almost falls off a cliff, or gets too close to a beehive.

The Good Shepherd is always there to help her out, to get her back on the right path with a tug or a gentle reminder. When Ewe ends up in more serious trouble, it's no surprise when the shepherd saves her again.

But then, that's kind of the point: No surprises. It's an allegory, representing the relationship between us and our Heavenly Father. You and the One who loves you so much that when you finally come back to Him, He throws a feast. Me and the God Who Does Not Change.

Much of the text is taken from the shepherd stories of the Bible. My seven year old picked up on that right away. After reading the book, he excitedly told me, "It's like a Bible story, Mom!" Being familiar with the stories, he made the connection almost instantly.

Kevin wrote this book for his kids while serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom. The pages cover the things he wanted to make sure his kids got right. Things like the importance of obedience, being able to trust God, and just how much God loves each of us. He makes it very clear that the Shepherd does what he says he'll do.

These are the things I want my children to know as well. They're the things all Christian parents want their kids to know. They're things that make this book worth reading.

You can buy this book here for $8.99 or at Barnes and Noble for $8.54.

Flashcard Jeopardy

2011-03-21T11:26:00.001-05:00

Last week, when I was making dinner, E needed to work on his math facts. We'd been a little remiss on this lately, and he was having a hard time with his 8x and 6x facts.

Up to my armpits in making a lasagna, and turned to the stove, I couldn't see the cards. So had to come up with a way for me to know he was getting them right.

Having him say the problem and the answer would have worked, but it felt a little Ben Stein boring to me.

My solution? Flash Card Jeopardy without the categories. E would say the answer, then I would call out the problems. Example, E would say "9" and I would say "3x3, 1x9." Zeros took a little longer but he really enjoyed me getting the "wrong" answer a few times before I finally guessed "0x11."

It worked for us. Maybe it will work for you, too. You're welcome.

Farewell to Fishy

2011-03-11T17:34:00.001-06:00

This is Fishy, our first ever betta fish.

He was a gift from Ms Kelly, EZ's VBS teacher a couple summers ago.

I guess it would be more accurate to say, this was Fishy.

For several days now, Fishy's not been looking so good. He's lost his shine and his color started to fade.

This morning, I found Fishy swimming vertically in his little vase. Head up, almost out of the water, and tail pointing straight down. Then, around one o'clock today, Fishy met his maker.

The children were distraught.

EZ and Baby Girl were all tears.

Big E spoke in hushed tones and looked so sad that I was touched by his compassion.

They wouldn't let me flush him.

(It's probably a good thing because all I could think about was the episode of The Cosby Show where Rudy's goldfish dies and they flush him down the toilet. It was hard to keep a straight face.)

So, when Daddy got home, they buried him in the backyard.

But first, they decorated Fishy's coffin.

Translation "Bye-bye. Fishy I love you. Abby."

Fishy's Grave
I love you, Fishy. From Eli and Ezra

I loved you. If we get another fish they will never be...(continued on next picture)

(continued)...the same as you. From Abby.
You were my best fish (I ever had).

Daddy dug a hole.

EZ placed Fishy in the box, water and all. (Because Fishy likes water, Mom.)

Daddy lays Fishy in his final resting place.

The mourners watch as the first dirt is placed over the body.

Direct quote from the ceremony: "He was a good fish."

So, dear Fishy, farewell for now.

Rest in peace, dear friend, rest in peace.

Some Days I Feel Like It's All I Do

2011-03-07T21:23:00.000-06:00

Some days I feel like all I do is make the food,

feed the children,

and clean up the mess the children make with the food.

Make the food,

feed the children,

and clean up the mess the children make with the food.

Make the food,

feed the children,

and clean up the mess the children make with the food.

Okay, it could be worse, much, much worse.

The Agony of Defeat

2011-03-06T21:18:00.000-06:00

My oldest son just completed his second wrestling season. This year he was seven years old in an eight and under division. Since he's a summer birthday, he was almost two full years younger than some of his competition. They were, at least, all about the same size, within three pounds of each other.

E worked his booty off and won...
a whopping two matches. It was hard on his momma. Last year he was the big dog, a six year old in a six and under division, and he won several matches and came home with not only several medals, but a fastest pin (10 seconds!) trophy. This year, there were no medals. Not even a participation ribbon. He was sick for two tournaments that he had done well in in 2010 and was simply outmatched in several others.

E was able to pick up his only wins in a dual that was added to the schedule. The big bonus there is that it was the only time he was able to wrestle at home (he was sick for our tourney) and his some of his grandparents were able to watch.

As his mom, I so wanted my boy in the winner's bracket. It hurt my heart to watch him continually end up with his back to the mat and some other momma's son advancing on the right side of the bracket. I knew how hard he had worked, how many hours he and his daddy had spent on the floor of our living room going over wrestling moves. I'd seen them watching videos on technique and taken him to practice twice a week for three months. He deserved to win...at least his momma thought so.

But here's the thing about E: in his mind, he was winning. He'd set goals and was achieving some of them. He rarely got pinned. Sticking it out for the entire three minutes is a huge stinking deal. He fought incredibly hard to keep his shoulders off the mat and was usually successful. He had fun at every practice and tournament. He built relationships with his buddies and made new friends.

My proudest moments were actually watching him react after a loss. From the bleachers, I had seen many a losing wrestler burst into tears or refuse to shake hands with an opponent. E never did either of those things. Every single time he left the mat he displayed great sportsmanship. He was all smiles and able to tell me what he had done well and what he had learned from each match.

On Saturday, at his last tournament, he came home with a third place medal. He proudly showed it off to me, even placed it around my neck while he went to shower. He'd placed third in a three man bracket and couldn't have been happier.

This wrestling season was long and hard for me as a mom. But E taught me that it really isn't just about the destination, but it's the journey that matters. Meeting small goals, having fun and making friends is much, much more important than being first in everything. Dang, that kid's smart!

I am Not That Homeschool Mom

2011-02-18T16:15:00.001-06:00

Close your eyes. Now, quick, what pops into your head when I say "homeschool mom?"

Whatever it was, I am pretty certain I am not that homeschool mom.

I wear jeans, put on make-up (if I'm leaving the house), and swim in mixed company. My dyed hair has not been in a bun since my second grade ballet recital. Said ballet recital was probably the last time I wore hose, too.

I hate to cook, clean and do most other things that are traditionally considered what a "good mom" likes to do. My family does not garden or eat only organic/raw/gluten-free/sugar-free foods. Our meals are only sometimes homemade, and if I had it my way, we would eat Pizza Hut at least eight times a week. That, or have a personal, on-demand chef.

My floors are not swept twice a day and the laundry pile is often taller than the children. Sometimes, it's taller than the children's father! Dusting has become a quarterly chore and my backyard will never get landscaped.

I'm not crafty. I can't sew on buttons that last more than a week. Sewing machines make me more nervous than a rat in a snake cage. I've never made anything more complicated than the pillows Mrs. Wallace insisted I put together in seventh grade home economics. I've dabbled in scrapbooking, but even that has become too daunting a task for me lately. My 2009 birthday gift certificate to our local scrapping store is still in my wallet, unused.

Our lives are not run on a color-coded three-ring binder schedule. We don't get up before dawn and milk cows or feed chickens. We watch too many movies and play a lot of video games. My kids are often up until way past traditional bedtimes and don't always remember to say "please" and "thank you."

My kids don't play the cello, violin or even piano. They don't speak Latin, Spanish or anything other than our Midwest version of English. They don't study quantum physics or underwater basket weaving.

It's not that I think any of the above things are bad. Heck, I'd love to be crafty and have an immaculate house. There are a ton of skirt and bun wearing women out there who are amazing. I wish we ate healthier and that I could make my own curtains. But I will never make my own curtains. I am not that homeschool mom. It's just not who I am.

But I am the homeschool mom that spends hours choosing just the right projects for her kids. I read them Scripture. I taxi them from one activity to the other and make sure they are well-rounded, social people. Four times a year, I make the most rockin' birthday cakes imaginable. I facilitate an environment where they can learn, not just academics, but to get along with each other, to be home-builders, and to be followers of Christ. I am that homeschool mom. And I'm perfectly okay with that.

An Attitude of Gratitude

2011-02-17T14:55:00.001-06:00

I'm gonna be honest here. Yesterday was a crappy day.
A headache on Tuesday had resulted in a late nap and my sleep patterns were all out of whack. I didn't get to sleep at all until after Vance had left for work. EZ was up by 8:00, and so was I...kinda. I tried to lay in bed and grab a few extra zzz's, but something about the three-and-a-half-year-old bouncing around me, saying "Momma!" every five point two minutes stopped me.

When I finally was ready to start the day, it was well past 10:00. We had breakfast (cereal and Pop Tarts). The house was a wreck. Seriously. I have no idea how these four wonderful munchkins can make such a mess in such a short time. Cranky, I immediately compare them to my sister's kids, who like their momma, have a little OCD in them and can't stand for things to be out of place. My children have no such thing. Zip. Nada. Nothing. I think they may have the opposite of OCD, whatever that is. Maybe I'll call it CEPAAS (Can't Ever Put Anything Away Syndrome). Anyway, grouchiness ensued but only the kitchen/living areas got even close to clean. (And they're only "good enough for now," which translates to most-stuff-is-picked-up and the-floor's-been swept [no less than five times yesterday, I swear it!]).

It was after 1:00 by the time we "started" school. But E wasn't having any of it. First he did his usual, "I've got to go to the bathroom, get a drink, get a bandaid, solve world hunger before I can start school" routine. Fine. By 1:30 he had graduated to a headache, and he wasn't the only one. Exasperated, I told him he could take a nap or do school. He chose the nap...kinda. Mostly, he just complained about how loud the rest of us were being (our house is really small, so there's not really a good place for napping). Then I caught him reading his new Boxcar Children Graphic Novel. (Fantastic, by the way. A great way to introduce one of my old favorite series to my son.) Turns out, that's all he wanted to do; read.

I didn't really get him to do anything until after his daddy got home. That said, we were still doing school at 8:30 last night. It was, to put it mildly, a struggle.

That said, today has gone much more smoothly. And I've decided, thanks in part to my friend, Sarah Colligan, to just be thankful. So, rough as this week has been, here's what I'm thankful for.

Sunshine. Last week it was -20 and two feet of snow on the ground. Today, it's 70 and the snow has melted. Yay!

Mom. She took EZ today for a while. I love that little stinker, but the quiet was a nice change for today.

It's not quite 3:00, and school is done. And we really didn't start until about 11:00, so I'm extra glad about that!

Bonnie at the vet clinic trimmed Flash's toenails. It's a job I hate and don't really have the right tools for. He feels better and there's a lot less clackety-clacking when he crosses the kitchen floor.

My husband, who gets up at 3:30 and goes to work for at least 12 hours everyday, so I can stay home with the kids.

What are you thankful for?

Things I Wish I had Known Earlier

2011-02-14T00:36:00.003-06:00

Last week at Dollar General I picked up some new hairclips. For whatever reason, I opted to buy the $2 version instead of the $1 version. This is out of character for me, as I'm incredibly cheap. But the old ones just weren't doing it for me. I've got thickish hair so after about 10 minutes, the old clips would be turned sideways and my hair would look ridiculous. Also, they would fall out very easily. Thus, I spent the extra and tried a new kind. These are AWESOME! My hair stays in, even if I'm jumping around or running (okay, I haven't actually tried the "running." I'm not really a runner.)

Old Clip, "$1 Version"

New Clip, "$2 Version"

Another Dollar General find: Ritz Crackers. The Clover Valley brand taste almost as good as the real thing. And they're a dollar cheaper a box for the same size. My kids eat these constantly, so this is a very good find for us.

But the thing I learned this week that I REALLY wish I had known before, like about 7 1/2 years ago, is that I can have diapers shipped free to my door (2 day shipping!) at 30% off from Amazon.com. Seriously.
Huggies Snug & Dry Diapers, Size 3, 156-Count for $24.19.
That's 17 cents a piece. Maybe you already knew this. If you did, why didn't you tell me? I live 45 minutes from the nearest Wal-Mart and have 4 small children to cart around with me on road trips.

There you go. Don't say I didn't tell ya. Now you know. Go forth and do good with this information.

To Be Held

2011-01-18T18:52:00.003-06:00

I spent much of last Saturday with my butt on hard bleachers and a 101.5 fever. Add to that the 61 pound 7 year old with a 103 fever that was on my lap and you can imagine how uncomfortable I was. My body ached, my head pounded and my butt felt like it might never recover. I was miserable.

Even so, I was able to spend that time doing one of the most important things I will ever do be called to do; hold my son. He was even more miserable than I and all he wanted was to be held in his mother's arms. As big as he is now, when he was sick he just wanted to be held, even there in front of all those other wrestlers, he justed wanted to climb into my lap and be loved.

I couldn't help but be reminded of the parallels between our earthly relationships with our kids and God's relationship with us. When I'm hurting, beat up, sick, I just want to curl up on His lap and be held. And the thing about God's lap is that it's always available, always ready for me to jump into.

When I've avoided the laundry for way too long and the pile has become a mountain.
When I've yelled at my kids instead of disciplining them with integrity.
When I've spent money I didn't have.
When I've lied. Cheated. Stolen.
When I've failed to do the very thing I swore I would do right.
When I haven't prayed in days. When my Bible has a 2 inch layer of dust.
When it's been years since I was in church.

When I'm not even sure He's really there.

That's when He holds me the tightest, rests my head on his shoulder and whispers in my ear, "It's alright, Baby. Daddy's here. It's going to be alright."

Never Again

2011-01-04T21:27:00.004-06:00

AJ's my last baby. Short of a medical miracle, he's it. I'm 90% okay with this. Vance and I are old enough that some of our classmates have high schoolers or even college age kids. Physically, I can't handle another pregnancy and the risks associated with having babies over the age of 35 just aren't something I want to deal with. We pack 6 people in a 1200 square foot home and we're happily blessed with four amazing and healthy kids. Asking for more than that seems a little silly. But there are some days when I think having just one, or even two more kids would be amazing.

In just a few weeks we'll celebrate AJ's first birthday. It hardly seems possible that it was a year ago that I was a very pregnant momma working the concession stand at E's wrestling tournament, then giving birth to my fourth child the next day. It's been bittersweet to watch AJ reach developmental milestones, because he's the last one. Once he can do something, I'll never again have a child in that last stage.

When those first teeth came in, I knew I'd never again smile at my toothless baby's grin. When I gave away the last of the baby food, I knew I'd never again have to buy the stuff for my child. The Saturday before Christmas AJ took his first steps and now I have a toddler. Two weeks later, he's taking off after the other children and I watch, knowing I'll never again have a baby who can't walk.

I know there are many, many more "never agains" I've yet to experience. I'm even aware that these may very well not be the most difficult "never agains" I'll go through in my parenting journey. Some day, not as far in the future as I might hope, I'll never again have a child without a driver's license, who hasn't been on a date, who isn't in college, who hasn't had his heart broken, who hasn't told me she hates my guts.

Knowing that, I'm resolving to live in this moment; in this time where my oldest is missing his front teeth and reading comic books, my baby girl is learning to read and loves her dance class, EZ is Papa's boy and a laugh a minute, and my baby is toddling across the room and falling asleep in my arms. This is the moment I am choosing to live in. I don't want to miss a minute of it.

What moment are you living in?

The Three Little Pigs, Faith House Version

2011-01-02T00:37:00.001-06:00

On Sundays my mom and I lead the kids' service during church. This last week was a lot of fun. We used the story of the Three Little Pigs as an analogy of building a Christian "Faith" House. We had some of the kids put on pink noses and used props to build the houses.

The first little pig had a Bible but didn't read it and only went to church on Christmas and Easter. His Faith House was weak, like straw. When sin (the Big Bad Wolf) came knocking on his door, the first little pig gave in to sin right away.

The second little pig read his Bible a little more often, went to church pretty regularly and even prayed a couple times a week. His Faith House was a little stronger, like it was made of sticks. When the BBW knocked on his door, saying "Little Pig, Little Pig, just one little sin," he didn't give in right away. But then the SLP thought he was okay, and instead of drawing closer to God, he took it easy and just relaxed. When temptation came knocking on his door again the next day, the SLP wasn't strong enough to resist.

The third little pig build his home on God's Word, making it strong like bricks. (We literally used Bibles for the bricks.) When the BBW came to knock his house over, he was able to resist temptation. But the BBW came back the next day. When he knocked, the TLP was reading the Bible and was easily able to resist the sin. But the BBW came back over and over again, always tempting the TLP to sin. Wisely, the TLP surrounded himself with friends who lifted him up, read the Word on a regular basis, and was continually praising God.

Transitioning to the Bible lesson, we read the kids the parable of the wise and foolish builders found in Matthew 7. In this passage, Jesus tells the disciples that the wise man builds his house upon the rock while the foolish man builds a house on the sand.

When Mom asked the kids to relate the Bible lesson to our lives, my son's hand went immediately into the air. Here's what he said. "When we sin, it's like we're getting pulled down in the sand. We're getting farther away from God. But when we're in Christ, it's like we're standing on the rocks." He got it just right. Sometimes the wisdom of my seven year old blows me away.

Welcome to 2011

2011-01-01T13:34:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year!

It's resolution time and I have an long, long list of things I'd like to do in the coming year.
In no particular order, here's a few.

weigh less than 200 pounds
read my Bible more regularly
get some much needed "me time"
get a passport and have it stamped at least once
start the long and tedious process of digging us out of debt
be a better mom; less screaming, more hugging
be a better homeschooler
read more books
blog more regularly
actually pray for everyone that asks me to
send sympathy cards when someone I know loses a loved one
laugh more
find a group of women that I'm comfortable with and together do things that don't involve our kids
do something fun with my kids at least once a day
mean what I say
spend less time on-line and more time in real life
create a 40 before 40 list
write a book for each of my children (I already have Ezra's planned out)
exercise at least 30 minutes 3-4 days a week
have all of my children sleep in their own rooms on a regular basis

I have no idea how many, if any, of these things I will actually achieve this year. Realistically, very few. But I think that by naming them at least I'm one step closer than I was yesterday.

What's on your list for 2011?

Grateful #6

2010-09-28T23:42:00.001-05:00

Today I'm super grateful for one simple thing. When I went into his room to call him into the kitchen to work on school, I found Eli on his bed, reading a book. It wasn't a book I'd assigned him to read, and he wasn't just looking at the pictures. I could hear him reading. It was a great moment for me; as a mom and as his teacher. He's starting to read for pleasure, not just for school. It's clicking! Yay, for Eli!

Grateful #5

2010-09-16T21:27:00.004-05:00

Today I am grateful for...

1. Homeschooling Friends. For the past two weeks we've been meeting with another HS family and doing shared science. Last week I did an art project with the kids and today Shaunna did a music lesson. The kids love working/learning together and mine are getting something (music) they would never get from me. (Keep in mind Music for Elementary Teachers was my only C in college. I hated that class. I can't keep a beat and refused to learn to play the recorder in college.) I could get used to this co-oping thing!

2. A Husband Who Loves Me Enough to Deal With Hard Stuff. 'Nuff said.

3. Shrimp Jambalaya. Yum. I should have taken pictures. It would have made for a more interesting blog. Sorry. Maybe next time.

4. My Mom. She's just AWESOME! Today she helped clean the kids' rooms, took all 4 of them for a couple of hours so I could finish cleaning and she brought over cupcakes. With sprinkles. She makes me so glad I didn't move far away from home. I am regularly reminded of how great it is to live in the same town as my parents. They're amazing.

5. The Baby was without me for several hours today and didn't totally freak out. This is a first. I feel a little like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, yelling "FREEDOM!" I love that little guy, but this is the longest we've been apart in 8 months.

6. Not having a heart attack in Zumba class. I know, this seems to be a given, but last night I wasn't so sure. My left arm started to feel numb and tingly, then my cheek and even my leg. I'm pretty sure it was just because I wasn't breathing properly, but for about a half an hour I was freaking myself out and thinking I was about to die. Having just read Chapter 2 of Francis Chan's Crazy Love, I was thinking about pinning a note to my chest that says "God is still good." (If you don't get it, read the book. I highly recommend reading it in any case.)

Grateful #4

2010-09-10T23:33:00.004-05:00

Today I am thankful for...

1. Pop Ice. You know, those popsicles in the plastic wrap. Yep, those. I think I've gone through about 6 in the last hour. Go ahead, have one. Add a little flavor to your evening.

2. Motivation. Today Mom came over and told Eli he could go to her house after he finished school. And BOOM! Just like that, he was done with school in less than 3 hours. We'll see how Monday goes...

3. Linemen. I know this may be biased since my step-dad works for the electric company but I seriously appreciate these guys. As I'm sitting here in my nice cool and dry house and listening to the thunder outside, I can't help but think of the fellas out there making sure the electricity is still on . Having lived with an REA employee for many years, I have a little bit of an idea of what you do. Thanks a million!

4. Wii Rock Band: The Beetles Edition. Seriously. John Lennon was either a much more talented or much less talented songwriter than the world gives him credit for. I haven't decided which yet. With lyrics like "we all live in a yellow submarine" and "I want to live under the sea in an octopus garden with you" one must wonder how those Brits with bad haircuts made it quite so big. But then again, these are the minds that gave the world "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and "It's Been a Hard Day's Night." What do you think? Genius? or just stoned?

5. Hand-me-downs. As a kid I didn't appreciate these. As a mom of 4, I love, love, love them, and I'm not just talking about clothing. This month we've been given gently used tap shoes and two big boxes of boy clothes I haven't made my way through yet. E also wore some passed down soccer cleats to practice this week. EZ sleeps in a hand-me-down toddler bed, and my husband is currently lounging on a previously used couch. (The matching over-sized chair is across the room from him.) Looking around my home, I see just how blessed we have been by the generosity of others. Some family, some friends, and even a complete stranger have graciously passed along their unneeded belongs to us. May we purpose to bless others in similar ways.

Grateful #3

2010-08-30T01:30:00.002-05:00

1. Oh Happy Day

Doesn't her face just say it all?

Today at church we had an AWESOME baptism service. Originally, there were between 7-10 people who were planning to be baptised. By the time it was said and done, there were 20. I was especially moved by the young boy who told us "my parents are getting divorced and I need God to get me through this."

2. Sunday Afternoon Naps
My husband let me have a 2+ hour nap today. It was much needed. What more is there to say? Thanks, Babe!

3. Getting Messy
This weekend my kids and I celebrated the end of summer Sunday school with a great big messy party at the park. They made shaving cream hair sculptures, ate chocolate drenched donuts on strings, used egg catapults, and rolled down a giant mud slide. You're a 7 year-old boy: does it get any better than this?

poop

2010-08-26T11:11:00.002-05:00

This week has been a poopy one. Literally. My 3 year-old has suddenly decided that he no longer wants to use to potty, that pooping/peeing in his pants is just fine, thank you very much. His mother, on the other hand, is not fine with this development, thank you very much. I'm really having a hard time with this.

I'm sure this digression stems from the new baby. It's tough for EZ not to be the youngest anymore. I've tried being patient, but today was the last straw. I put a diaper back on him and told him to stop being a baby. Not my proudest parenting moment.

Any ideas on how to salvage what's left of my sanity without belittling my son?

Grateful #2

2010-08-22T21:58:00.004-05:00

I'm going to try for posting a list of at least 5 things I'm grateful for once a week. We'll see how that goes. Once a month may be pushing it sometimes, but hey, we've got to have goals, right?

1. The Little Things My Kids Aren't Old Enough to Know Are Funny

Like tonight for example, when Abby was practicing the books of the Bible and listed them as "...Isaiah, Jeremiah, Limitations, Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, Jewel..."

2. Thumbs

Especially the one on my 7 month old's left hand. It's really made things a lot easier since he discovered it.

3. My In-laws Last night we spent with Vance's family. Larry has started having Shrimpfests for us every few months. Last night we ate, drank and watched football with them. The kids played with their cousins and it was a good day.

4. Bottled Water

I know, once again, not eco-friendly, but what is it about water in a bottle that just makes it taste so much better than in a cup? Seriously, my family will drink water all day from bottles, but they totally balk at drinking it from a cup.

5. My Kids Like Each Other

I mean, they really, really like each other. They want to play together. They look out for each other and take care of one another. They also fight like cats and dogs, but they are siblings, after all.

Grateful

2010-08-19T14:56:00.003-05:00

Things I Am Grateful For Real Zest: "My gratitude journey started with the realization that my emotions and my depression were my CHOICE. I was choosing to wallow in the mud instead of dancing in the rain…yes, it sounds cliche’, but it’s so true. Once you really start being grateful for every little thing, your life will change and I guarantee you will be able to choose joy when you “should” be choosing despair."

This is from my fb friend Sarah Fish Colligan's blog. For over a year now she's been sharing "Gratitudes" with the world via facebook and was recently asked to share at Real Zest.
I'd read some of Sarah's postings about things she'd grateful for, but honestly, sometimes I was wallowing so much that even reading about someone else's thankfulness was more than I could take. Sorry, Sarah, but it's true, sometimes I would see your note and cringe. Oh, great, I would think to myself, what super silly thing will she be happy about today? Dandelions? Really? What's next? Mosquitoes?

But last week, it seemed like this was something the Holy Spirit was kinda screaming in my ear: Quit whining! Be thankful! So, I've decided to take Sarah's advice (which matches up with the Holy Spirit pretty well on this!) and be thankful. Thus, I'm making a list of 7 things I'm thankful for. Here goes.

1. The Swimming Pool Yesterday was the last day of the outdoor pool season here in town. That means it's FREE admission day! The kids and I took advantage of this and spent a lovely 3 1/2 hours basking in the sun with a variety of friends. To top it off, my youngest was watched by a friend for the first 2 hours, so the rest of us got to stay much longer than we would have otherwise! Thanks, Jill!

2. Home schooling We home school. It's a lot of work and I'll be honest there are times when I think it would be sooooo much easier to just ship the kids off during the day. But I know that I am so blessed to have them with me all day and to know that I am the main influence of their worldview. Plus, we don't have to get up quite so early as if we went to public school.

3. Huggies I have a 7 month old. He is amazing. But he is also a poop machine. I'm glad for disposable diapers that I can simply toss rather than wash. (I know it's not eco-friendly, but please, just let me have this one. I recycle religiously and don't use very many paper towels.)

4. Electricity Just imagine being a pioneer in Kansas without it. We're talking 110 in the shade last week! Thank you, God, for the man who invented air conditioning!

5. Our County Library System We have one of the best library systems in the state, if not the region. They have state of the art facilities and you can borrow everything from DVDs to cake pans with no late fees. Seriously, no late fees! How awesome is that? Plus, our Tuesday morning story time starts in September. Good times for kids and mommies!

6. Costumes My kids love dressing up. I love the post-Halloween costume isles. We have an entire cedar chest dedicated to dress-up and imaginative play things. I love that it is one of the most used things in our home.

7. Tech Free Tuesdays A couple of weeks ago I implemented "Tech Free Tuesdays." That means no screen time for any of us. That's right, no TV, DVDs, Wii, fb, email or Nintendo DS at the Crutchfields on Tuesdays. This week, my husband even participated. He wasn't happy about it, but he did it. Thanks, Vance!

Tonight's Prayers

2010-06-29T23:58:00.001-05:00

Tonight my 3 year-old thanked God for everything:
"Thank you, God, for my mommy & daddy.
Thank you, God, for my sister.
Thank you, God, for my baby brother.
Thank you, God, for my big brother wearing underwear."

The Gym

2010-06-29T22:36:00.002-05:00

A couple of months ago, in a conversation about church leadership, my pastor made an analogy liking being a part of the church to being a part of a gym. It was a good analogy, but it didn't really sink in until I went to my first Zumba class in over a year.

It's been 5 months since baby number 4 was born and my poor body has been abused and neglected. So, I signed up for Tuesday night Zumba class at the gym. An hour a week is better than nothing at all, right?

The first night of class, the instructor, who wears bedazzled "Zumba" shirts in a size extra small, explained the "easy" steps in one of the songs to the class.
Let me just clarify something here. I am not known as the queen of coordination. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 7, couldn't skip until 2nd grade, and have never done a cartwheel in my entire life. Remember that episode of "Friends" where Phoebe and Rachel go jogging in Central Park? That's pretty much what I look like doing Zumba. My instructor, on the other hand, brings to mind "Dancing with the Stars" finales. She wiggles and moves those tight little abs and glutes with seemingly effortless grace. Her "easy" steps are still a huge struggle for me, even after 3 classes.

Watching the other women struggle through the class gives me some hope. I try not to look around, but there are mirrors on the walls that make it impossible not to notice how the rest of the class is faring. Most of the women in this particular class are in their 40s or 50s and somewhat overweight. A few seem to have the steps down, but for the most part, we're all just watching the perky bedazzled girl in the front and hoping she tells us what to do next. Not a one of us would be able to fill her shoes any time soon.

So it is with the church. Like the gym, everyone should go. Regardless of race, color, age, size, income level, experience, gender, etc everyone is welcome. Coming in doesn't require you to fit any particular mold. In fact, at many gyms, you're not expected to be in shape when you start. They offer personal trainers to teach you how to work out, what to eat, and how to get healthy. An effective church would follow the same model. We should be discipling newcomers; teaching them the disciplines necessary for having a real relationship with Christ.

Taking a once a week class or attending a once a week church service isn't really going to change my life. I'm never going to look like my instructor if my only exercise is one hour on Tuesdays. Stopping at Dairy Queen on the way home from class isn't really going to help either. People don't just drop 100 pounds or become prepared to run marathons in a matter of days, weeks, or even months. It takes time, effort and commitment to see results. It usually also takes a support system of people who are willing to come along beside you and cheer you on in the journey.

Becoming a fully devoted follower of Christ doesn't really happen overnight, either. New believers need to be discipled by quality instructors. No one would ever expect me to teach an aerobics class in the shape I'm in now. We shouldn't expect -or allow- undisiplined teachers in our spiritual classes either. Our goals in both physical and spiritual fitness should be to take those who are out of shape and nurture them until they get to a place where they become leaders and begin to nurture and grow others.

Here's a few other quick similarities I see between the church and the gym:

Just because your momma/daddy/aunt/cousin/friend is an aerobics instructor doesn't mean you are. You can't get to Heaven on someone else's salvation.
If you don't keep at it, you won't stay in shape. If you went to the gym/church all the time in your 20s, but never once in your 30s, you're not going to be in shape when you get to your 40s.
Not everyone who works at the gym will teach aerobics. For it to function well, many different people are needed. Some maintain the building, some pay the bills, some make the hard decisions, and some are out preparing the fields for games. So it is with the church. We've all been given different gifts. Guess what? God did that on purpose, so it's okay.
People can always find an excuse not to start going. We're afraid of not looking/acting/being like the people who've been going for a long time. We're afraid we'll look silly or do the wrong thing. We're afraid people will talk about us or expect things from us. All of that may be true, but we'll never be in shape if we never even make it to the gym.

I Read the News Today

2009-01-30T10:57:00.000-06:00

A couple of thoughts on some things I read today.

First, the story about the 93 year old man who froze to death in Michigan this week after the utility company turned off his electricity. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,484724,00.html Let me say this: this is a horrible thing. It saddens me greatly to think of that poor old man freezing to death on the floor. Such a thing should never happen, especially not in country with the resources of America.

That said, I am in awe that people are blaming the utility for this! The man owed them over $1000. Should they have to continue providing services for people who clearly owe them money? You and I wouldn't want to be forced to do this. Grocery stores aren't forced to give free food. Hosptials are required to provide medical care, but look at our current health care system! That needs a fix.

If this man was unable to make decisions like paying his bill, many, many people could have helped. Social services could have been called by his family, his neighbors, his friends, his doctor, or even the people at the utility company. We're supposed to take care of each other with love. This poor man died because his community failed to do so.

Secondly, wow! Did you see the story on the woman who had octuplets. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,485584,00.html She already had six kids at home! Like I said before, wow! I cannot imagine 14 kids! That said, I am once again saddened that fertility doctors would implant that many embryos, then counsel her to abort/kill several of them for having the audacity to survive. I'm sick to death of these debates. Just stop it! Stop implanting more babies than can survive.

And then there's this guy: VICTORVILLE, Calif. — A spurned lover ambushed his ex-girlfriend and tried to cut out the breast implants he paid for by stabbing her, prosecutors said. Really, is that necessary? What a world we live in!

Ugh! I'm looking at this blog as just a rant, not a well written cohesive thought.

May your lives be totally un-newsworthy!

Christmastime

2008-12-22T14:30:00.000-06:00

It's Christmas: a time when even the godless celebrate the birth of Jesus the Messiah. As I listened to Amy Grant sing "Grown Up Christmas List" and thought of what would be on my list, several things came to mind. I'd ask for clean water for every person in the world, an end to the ignorance and fear that cause people to do horrible things to children, and hope for those who have none. But when I really thought about what I would want...that one thing that I most desire in the entire world...my answer was much closer to home. If given the greatest desire of my heart, I would choose that my children all know and love Jesus. That they live lives that demonstrate not just a knowledge of, but intimate relationships with the Creator of the world. This is the deepest longing of my soul.

If I could have my way, everyone my children come into contact with would have such a relationship. What an amazing world we would live in if we could all just love as Christ loves.

Trying my best not to sound like a televangelist here, but if you don't have that relationship, but want one, Christmas is a great time to turn the Savior. You don't have to say all the right words or do all the right things. You simply need to confess that you have sinned, acknowledge that Jesus is the ONLY one that can make the payment for those sins, ask Him to forgive you. Then you tell Him that you want Him to be Lord in your life. You need to tell someone about your decision to live a new life. After that, you listen to the Holy Spirit as He directs you. A Bible would be helpful in providing guidance. A Christian friend can also help lead you along the path. If you need one of those, I am available!

Merry Christmas. May the joy, love and peace of the Messiah fill your hearts and homes.

18 months old

2008-10-18T13:59:00.001-05:00

Vance says I should call our youngest son by his given name, but Destructo just seems to be so much more appropriate these days! At 18 months, his favorite activities seem to be all kinds of things that take a lot of cleaning up after. Things like dumping a full bowl of lasagna on the carpet, taking every Kleenex out of every box and arranging them throughout the house, "sharing" his food with the dog, and of course, writing on things with Sharpies.

This week he's discovered the power of the step stool. He's found out that he can carry that little pink Mermaid step around with him and suddenly he's grown 12 inches! That extra foot allows him not only to reach things on the counter, but also to climb up onto it. Thus, all kinds of things are that were previously out of reach are now in the path of the hurricane! When I got out of the shower the other day, he was at the kitchen sink going through the dirty dishes.

This month he's also learned the healing power of a kiss. He'll often reach up to lay a smooch on me when I've got a boo-boo. As I write this, the little guy is pushing a stroller through the living room, laughing whenever we make eye contact. He may have an uncanny ability for making messes just now, but that smile, that laugh, his kisses; those are things that build up, not tear down.

I guess Vance is right, I'll have to rethink my little guy's nickname. Maybe Destructo could morph into something less....destructive. :)

From a used-to-be-AG perspective

2008-10-15T16:05:00.000-05:00

Growing up in a little Assemblies of God church I learned a lot about being a Christian and a lot about being Pentecostal. Somehow, though, those lines started to blend together to where it was almost impossible to be one (Saved) without being the other (a speaking-in-tongues, filled with the Holy Ghost and Fire saint). There came a point when I just didn't buy into that anymore. Anybody with a psych class under his belt could tell you it had something (okay, a really big something) to do with the fact that my home church went through a big, ugly split about the same time I quit drinking the Kool-Aid.

But even without the split, I was beginning to have my doubts. First there was the whole "Thursday-Night-is-Get-the-Holy-Spirit-Night-or-You're-Not-Really-a-Good-Enough-Christian" thing. Every summer I went to camp and was challenged to live a better life; to be closer to God than ever before. Then on Thursday, the last night, there was always this special emphasis on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. This meant that you speak in tongues or you don't have it. I saw kids so hungry for God that they faked whatever they thought they needed to do just to feel accepted. I was always the last to leave the tabernacle; I didn't want to miss a single blessing.

After a few years of this, I realized that the gift of tongues wasn't what it was all about. Falling over; being "slain in the Spirit" wasn't it either. Really being filled with the Holy Ghost is about having him in your everyday life, your every thought, your very being. Tongues has nothing to do with this.

I now attend a Wesleyan Church. Although most people wouldn't be totally shocked if someone spoke in tongues during a service, I believe it would probably be out of order to use that gift there. We sing about five songs to open the service. They're somewhat contemporary and we even have drums, guitar, bass and keyboards at most services. The pastor often thanks us "for that good singing" before he begins the message.

The core people at my church truly love God. They love sinners as well as saints, too. In the seven or so years that I've attended, I've learned more about how to show God's love to others in practical ways than I did in my entire first 25 years of church. These people are so real and so forgiving and so caring and so welcoming that I sometimes even see that as a hindrance to things getting done the way I think they should. Through that, God is teaching me patience, humility and that my way isn't always His plan. I love my church.

Alas, there are things about the AG that I miss. Things I miss a lot. As an emotional being, I miss the adrenaline surge that I feel in a dynamic worship service. Growing up, we'd sing for hours; many of them spent dancing, kneeling, bowing before the Throne of God, weeping, or even laughing. Worship was something I did with my entire being. My voice was raised in prayer and song, my hands were lifted in praise, my entire body knelt before the Presence of the Lord. Although I'm not much of a dancer, there were times when I felt like I just needed to move my feet; my body just needed to be in motion because I couldn't contain the enthusiasm I had for my Savior.

Times of prayer were communal. There was never a time when we just listened to the pastor pray. We all were joined in prayer. We all prayed together, often aloud. Many times we would come together around a friend in need and lay hands on each other. The prayers weren't always answered in ways we asked, but we always knew that we weren't alone and that we had each other's backs.

There are many things I appreciate about being in a non-Pentecostal place. Knowing that I don't have to worry about Sister Smith breaking out into tongues or prophecy when I bring a first time guest is nice. Not having to climb over people "slain in the Spirit" and laying all over the front of the church, that's nice, too. The "weird" stuff is not what I miss.

But I miss being challenged. I miss the emotional aspect of worship. I miss the ability to worship with my entire being, not just my voice. I miss the sound of dozens of voices raised together in prayer.

Somewhere there has to be a balance. I don't know how to achieve it yet. Someday I will.

for my HS paper

2008-09-22T12:17:00.000-05:00

Today I was asked to write an editorial for my high school paper's back to school edition. They're having alumni write some pieces and have a lot of space to fill, I guess! This is what I've come up with. I'd love your feedback before I send it off to be immortalized in Cat Tracks!

The other day one of my friends posted a bulletin on MySpace about high school. (Yep, I am over 30 and have a MySpace. I also have Facebook, but that's a column for another day!) You've probably seen it. It asks about people you dated, who you sat with at lunch, your favorite teachers, and what you'd do differently. You know the one. I've never filled it out on-line, but each time my friends post a bulletin or note, I go over my own answers in my head.
Who did I date? Mostly, I spent my time with an amazing guy from Yates Center that I met at church. Was I in love? You betcha. Andy and I met my freshman year and dated off and on into college. We went our separate ways about 10 years ago and I've only seen him once since then. He was the center of my high school world, but now my life centers around a completely different amazing man and three marvelous children God has blessed us with.
In high school my group of friends fell somewhere in the middle of the social spectrum. We weren't total outcasts and we weren't Homecoming Queens. Most of us played a sport or two, but not well enough to matter. We got decent grades and stayed out of trouble. Of the girls at my lunch table, I could probably tell you a little about the current lives of most of them, but not any real details. Now I only really know one of them. And truth be told, up until about three years ago, I hadn't talked to her since graduation. We've become friends now, not because we ate together in high school, but because lately our lives have taken parallel courses. Of the lunch table crowd, there are some that I thought would be real friends for life, but life is a lot longer than high school…by my second semester of college I really only kept in contact with one or two high school friends.
My favorite high school teachers had to be Mr. Kuhlmann and Mr. Loewen. I was lucky enough to have had Mr. Kuhlmann for both junior history and senior government. Two of my most vivid memories of BHS are of him. He literally ran into the wall then fell to the floor to demonstrate the futility of a battle. (I think it was between Russia and Germany during WWII, but it's been a long time ago and I'm not entirely sure!) On his classroom walls and floors he created maps of the places we were studying using masking tape. He would jump from country to country on the floor as he taught. Years later, when I had my own classroom, I used this for inspiration and taught the states of the southwest that way one year. Throughout my teaching career, I have often asked myself, "How would Bart Kuhlmann teach this?" when I wanted to be creative and really reach my students.
Mr. Loewen taught business and coached volleyball. In my typing class (yes, I'm old enough that I didn't get keyboarding, but typing—on a typewriter, even!) he told us we should start as few sentences with "I" as possible. He told us that we would appear less selfish and come across better if we varied our sentence beginnings and eliminated "I" at the starts. That's a skill I've used even in writing this today. Coach L always sat with us it the back of the bus and told the lamest jokes. I sure loved that guy. As fate would have it, a decade later, I ended up teaching one of his sons in fifth grade. (You never know how life's going to circle around on you!)
As for what I'd do differently…well, I think I'd have been less busy. If you ever check out a 94 yearbook, you can see that I did a little bit of everything in high school. My hand was in everything from sports to FHA to President of StuCo to yearbook to drama to editor of this paper and everything in-between. And sorry, Coach V, but I think I should have played basketball instead of managing the wrestling team. That would have kept me from flirting with all those boys and kept me in better shape!
I would also have tried harder to really love people, no matter who they were. When asked what a person must do to get into Heaven, Jesus gave this answer (and I'm totally paraphrasing here), "Love God with all your heart, soul and mind. And really, really love people." It's taken every bit of 32 years for me to begin to learn how to do this well and here I am, still learning. Had I been able to really, really love people the way Jesus does, maybe I could have made more of a positive impact on the world, or at least on the corner of it that is Burlington High.
The next time you run across one of those high school surveys on MySpace or Facebook, fill it out. Some 14 years later, pull it out and look at it again. You'll be surprised at how much your thinking has changed and how little or how much importance you gave things. For now, just work on these two things; love God and love people. You'll never have to regret that.